BK: Before Kurt
by Choice
Summary: Grocery shopping, Puckurt style. Nothing serious to warn you about, just some condom/sex references.


**B.K. (Before Kurt)

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A one-shot I wrote when I was in the mood for some future!fic. I think I got inspiration from my own shopping experiences with my dad (who is a grocery-store _Nazi_-he has to go through every. Single. Aisle.), so... yeah. I'd hate to know what he'd think if he knew he inspired this, haha. :P Thanks anyway, daddums.

Enjoy!

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Before Kurt, Noah would have never been caught in a grocery store for more than it took to dash through aisles picking up the bare necessities. It had been an ingrained instinct to just memorize what was missing from his fridge and pantry, and always pick up some toiletries while he was out.

As it was, B.K. was an era Noah had closed the book on, because here he was, standing in-he looked around-the _cosmetics_ section, holding onto their shopping cart's handles with a death grip as Kurt pondered two completely identical face creams.

"Noah, frowning like that will only encourage premature wrinkling," Kurt said without looking up from the bottle in his hands. "You know my rule: no matter how much I love you, I won't be seen with a wrinkly twenty-nine-year-old."

He rolled his eyes, glaring down at the contents of their cart as Kurt put down both of the creams he'd been examining to toss in a completely different bottle of some frou-frou facial product. "Kurt, spending _an hour_ in here is ridiculous. Why do I even have to come?" He almost cried when he thought about the game he was missing in order to be here, doing domestic shit with his boyfriend. He TiVo'ed it, but that was besides the point.

"Because whenever I go alone, I buy you the wrong body wash, remember?"

Noah grimaced, how could he forget? He smelled like a girl for the entire month because Kurt refused to let it go to waste. It wasn't all that bad, because Kurt liking the body wash meant Kurt wanted to be close enough to smell him. And that had been a completely _not_-celibate month for them, without a doubt.

"Come on, groceries next." Kurt tugged the other end of the cart, directing Noah like a dog over to the fruits and vegetables. They halted in front of a display of tomatoes, and Kurt held his hand out. "List?"

Noah tossed him their shopping list-a shopping list!-and grumbled as Kurt scanned the lined paper before sashaying over to the apples.

He nearly growled when he caught some dude staring at Kurt's hips, 'accidentally' running over the dude's foot with one of the carriage's squeaky wheels as he moved to Kurt's side.

"I'd hoped you learned by now, after almost being sued the last time you did something like that." But Kurt leaned back as Noah embraced him from behind, making a content noise when he was pecked on the cheek.

"I don't like people looking at what's _mine_."

Kurt frowned up at him, for all the world unimpressed, but the slight gleam in his eyes belied him. "We'll discuss that… later." Noah smirked as Kurt, a bit pink in the face, shimmied out of his hold to grab some Granny Smiths.

"Get me some of the pinky-red ones," Noah said as he walked over to get some bagged salad. "I don't know how you could stand sour apples."

"The same way I enjoy grapefruit."

"Grapefruits're disgusting, too. If I try to eat half of yours, I have to use, like, a whole bag of sugar just to stomach it."

Kurt did one of his longsuffering sighs he practically had a patent for. "Grapefruit would do wonders for your skin if you'd just try it, Noah. Without the sugar," He added wryly.

"Just get me the apples." Noah grimaced when Kurt tossed in three large grapefruits that hit the cart with an ominous _thump._ He sighed in relief when a bag of his favorite apples followed.

"Pathetic," Kurt sing-songed as he went to get a bag of potatoes.

"Okay, c'mon. Why can't we just get the knock-off Cheerios?" Noah asked as Kurt picked up the box of cereal. "Does _everything_ have to be brand name?"

"I can tell the difference!" Kurt insisted, shaking the box at Noah for good measure.

"And I can tell you're insane," He muttered, snatching the box from Kurt to grab the generic Cheerios. "Besides, you hardly ever eat cereal. Why can't you go have an orgy with your grapefruits while I enjoy my Honey Nut Spins?" Kurt huffed, but didn't make much of a commotion when Noah tossed the store-brand cereal into their cart. "Now, where to?"

Kurt seemed to spontaneously brighten. With a wicked smirk, he said, "Last stop."

Noah swore to kill anyone who said he'd squealed, but their Last Stop… it was a brilliant reminder of why he put up with hours of shopping. They both rushed to their favorite section-well, Kurt's second-favorite, since makeup always held a special place in his heart, ignoring the weird looks they got. If that woman with the twins fighting over a box of Devil Dogs knew _half_ the wonders of the Last Stop, she'd look like a crazed anime character, too.

"We made a deal: five cars each or less." He gave an amused Kurt a sheepish grin as their cashier rang up their twelve Hot Wheels.

"I wanted the candy-apple-red corvette. Besides, you didn't seem to have a problem with choosing another one to make us even."

"It was only fair." Kurt stopped the very confused girl ringing up their items when she got to a specific box. "Hold on. Do you have a pen I could borrow?"

He smiled as he was handed a Bic. "Thank you… Stefanie," He said, before picking up the box of condoms and changing the "for Her" to "for Him."

Noah smirked at the very red Stefanie, shrugging as he explained, "He's seeing a therapist for his OCD."

"Which is why I'm stuck with _Honey Nut Spins,_" Kurt muttered as he handed the girl back her pen.

She smiled uneasily at the pair. "The generic tastes like cardboard," She supplied as she instructed Noah to swipe his card.

"Thank you!" Kurt cried, turning to smugly grin at Noah. "Told you there's a difference!"

Stefanie was quick to hand them their foot-long receipt and get to the next customer, and Noah smiled, half-listening to Kurt ramble on about store-brand food statistics as they made their way out of the store. Some people just didn't know what they were missing without their own Kurt Hummel.


End file.
